Came the dawn

VIEW: Came the dawn —Kamran Shafi

WAPDA decides that it will carry out Annual Maintenance one day, and it is jolly well carried out the next. Never mind that people are inconvenienced; never mind that a patient dependant on electricity for his very survival lies fighting for every breath, never mind that a very junior official can be so rude with a consumer

So then, it has finally dawned upon the Big General that he is being ill-served by the people he himself has ordained into their offices; those who serve at his personal will and only because he is what he is; those who wouldn’t stand a chance in hell of being ‘elected’ to their mighty offices were it not for the State flexing its muscle through its various agencies, and at his express orders. Those, indeed, who know full well that after this one outing on the carousel of power they will not be heard from nor seen in the country, taking the first plane out to their real homes and hearths.

According to a report in this same newspaper: “President Pervez Musharraf has voiced growing frustration at his government’s ‘lethargic functioning’ and poor implementation of development projects. ‘I go to people and announce projects but the next time I visit these areas and ask the people about the projects, I find that there is nothing on the ground,’ sources quoted him as saying at a meeting attended by Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz, several ministers and the State Bank of Pakistan governor.”

“Sources said the president took notice of delay in the Iran-Pakistan-India gas pipeline project. ‘How many delegations will visit abroad for talks to finalise this project?’ the president was quoted as asking the participants. The president also expressed concern over the government’s inability to control inflation.”

Well, to non-compliance with his specific orders first, and may I suggest to the Big General that the “projects” he speaks about (which he knows have not been carried out) are only the tip of the iceberg. Surely he has not visited all the communities and places and people where he might have issued orders; surely what he has been told is a fraction of what has actually not been done. I will make him a wager of a hundred rupees: If he delves only a little deeper, the Big General will find that only those of his orders that concerned people who have access to him have been implemented; that he should consider himself fortunate if 10 percent of his directives, orders, and instructions have actually been followed.

There is a revealing little anecdote that Kaleem Omar, yes the well-known writer, tells about Zulfikar Ali Bhutto. It so happened that three years into his presidency/prime ministership, that consummate politician and workaholic who used to read voluminous files from cover to cover and hand-write the most succinct and beautifully crafted notes within minutes, ordered a short exercise. He just wanted to know how many of his directives the officials of the Government of Pakistan had carried out. One can only imagine his chagrin when it was put up to him that (if memory serves) 55 percent of the directives were nowhere to be seen; 25 percent were in the process of completion and only 20 percent had been completed/carried out.

This is Zulfikar Ali Bhutto we are talking about, sirs, not some Tom, Dick, or Harry. Remember that this man we speak about was so particular about what he wrote on official files that one that he was working on while travelling by train had the following remark at the end of his note: “My handwriting is shaky because I am travelling by the Khyber Mail — we have just crossed Jhelum”! Sirs, you are to kindly note that if the orders of this immaculate man were followed the way they were, what of those given by others?

The question one must ask, indeed one that the Big General must ask himself, is why it has taken this long for the realisation to hit home that all is certainly not well (nor has been for a long time) with the way the Government of the Islamic Republic conducts itself. For, the national press has long been full of stories about how wrong things are going; how, instead of “good governance” things were only going from bad to worse; how, indeed, the Big General was getting a bad name for the shenanigans of his own appointees. One can only come to one conclusion.

If only General Musharraf took a little time out every day to just glance through the papers to see for himself what they were saying instead of only depending on what was ‘put up’ to him by the Ministry of Disinformation; if only he wasn’t so black and white about perceived friends and perceived enemies (calling people who do not agree with him ‘unbalanced’, even ‘traitors’, for example), he would have found that lots of people have been crying themselves hoarse about precisely the things that agitate him today.

It is never too late, however, to change tack; never too late to kick the right bottom with the right amount of force and never too late to get rid of those who will not pull their weight. Provided of course that cognisance is taken of the offences of commission and omission, fairly and judiciously. The pity of the whole thing, however, is that through the many years that the Big General has had his way in the Land of the Pure, the thing called “justice in governance” has been chucked out the window and “pragmatism” rules.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my electricity was switched off just as I was putting the finishing touches to my article some days ago. I called the SDO, WAPDA, Hasanabdal, on his mobile to ask when we could expect it to be switched on again. The conversation went something like this:

Self: “Assalam-o-Alaikum, aap SDO Sahib bol rahe hein?”

SDO Bahadur: “Bol raha hoon”.

Self: “Ji, mein Wah gaon se Major Kamran Shafi bol raha hoon — bijli ko kya hua hai — kab aaye gee”.

SDOB: “Annual maintenance jab khatam ho gi”.Self: “ANNUAL MAINTENANCE”? Aap ne annual maintenance kaheen announce ki thi?”SDOB: “Kal FM 97 (the local Hasanabdal station) pe ki thi.”

Self: “Kal? Annual Maintenance ka to ziada notice hona chahie; aap ne kissi akhbar mein announce ki thi?”SDOB: “Nahein, saray log FM suntay hein.” (I don’t, by the way.)

Self, in English: “SDO Sahib, I want to write about this in the press; please reconfirm that this was ANNUAL MAINTENANCE for which you gave just one day’s notice and that too on just one media outlet which many people may not have access to.”

SDOB: “I am not your servant that I should repeat what I said — you can write what you want”, saying which the Little Sahib switched off his telephone.

So there you have it, sirs, good governance everywhere. WAPDA decides that it will carry out Annual Maintenance one day, and it is jolly well carried out the next. Never mind that people are inconvenienced; never mind that a patient dependant on electricity for his very survival lies fighting for every breath, never mind that a very junior official can be so rude with a consumer — a consumer who pays through his nose for most pathetic service, mind. Sab Acchha Hai, Sahib.

Bushism of the Week: “The only thing I know about Slovakia is what I learned firsthand from your foreign minister, who came to Texas” — President George W Bush talking to a Slovak journalist, June 22, 1999. Bush’s meeting was with Janez Drnovsek, the prime minister of Slovenia.

PS: WAPDA can rest easy — just as the Motorway Police did not respond to my complaint about them, I do not expect WAPDA to, either. After all, they rule; we are the ruled.

A 'scheduling problem'

VIEW: A ‘scheduling problem’ —Kamran Shafi

Why did the FO keep up pretences for two whole weeks and more? Would it have continued to lie had the US ambassador himself not come forth? Why did Chief Spokesman Sheikh Rashid reinforce the lie 10 days after the FO first told it? More important than everything else, why does the government of the Islamic Republic take us lay Pakistanis for so many fools?

At the time that the Damadola Outrage — for what else was it — happened, and the military government and its minions were going about pretending as if they were in an almighty fury, it was announced by a “senior official” (no prizes for guessing the ministry) that the American ambassador “is being summoned to the Foreign Office” so that Pakistan could lodge a protest with him. On the very day that this news appeared in the press, I made a wager with some friends who were visiting me that no way was the valiant FO of the very valiant government of the Citadel of Islam going to summon the American ambassador. No way.

Even the deputy ambassador would not be “summoned”, I said: at most, a very polite telephone call would be made to a first secretary at the US Embassy who would be told in the most obsequious manner that the almost weekly American incursions into Pakistan were getting very embarrassing for the Big General who had done so much to align himself with America that his very life was in constant danger. “Please, Sirji, understand our predicament”. “Pretty please, Sirji”. And there the matter would rest.

The very next day, i.e., on January 15, this is what the national press said, quoting Hotel Scheherezade: “Pakistan on Saturday lodged a strong protest with the United States over the unwarranted killings of innocent civilians in the Bajaur Agency, the Foreign Office announced. The US envoy was summoned to the Foreign Office to protest the killings of 18 people in an air strike apparently targeting the deputy leader of Al Qaeda, Ayman al Zawahiri, the Foreign Office said. Foreign Secretary Riaz Khan handed over a formal protest to the US ambassador at the Foreign Ministry this evening, Foreign Office spokeswoman (sic) said. It is the second protest lodged by Pakistan with its key ‘war on terror’ ally the United States for alleged incursion (alleged? Could it be Martians in flying saucers that did in those 18?) into its tribal region bordering Afghanistan this month.”

On that same day, another newspaper’s take on the matter was: “Pakistan on Saturday summoned US ambassador Ryan C Crocker to Foreign Office (sic) here and lodged a strong protest with the United States against an air strike on its border village in Bajaur Agency that killed at least 18 people, including women and children. Foreign Secretary Riaz Muhammad Khan handed over a formal protest to the US ambassador this evening, said Foreign Office Spokesperson Tasnim Aslam.”

Bloody hell, how wrong could I have been, I said to myself? There goes my punditry (something an erstwhile friend accuses me of having “acquired” lately), etcetera and so on. To add to my discomfort at being proved so wrong, the chief spokesman of the government, Sheikh Rashid ‘Tulli’, was quoted as saying on January 24, “The US ambassador was summoned to the Foreign Office and a stinging protest was launched against the air strike. He was told that such incidents will not be tolerated in the future.”

By golly, who in the world will have any faith in me now, after the complete and utter failure of my punditry? Not only did the FO summon HE, and “launch” a “stinging” protest at him, it even told him “such incidents will not be tolerated in the future”! You can imagine my predicament, reader: there I was, downcast with very low self-esteem, depressed at how wrong I could be even in matters concerning a ministry whose shenanigans I thought I knew inside out. Leave alone everything else, what would Charlie and his aunt say?

Mercifully, my misery did not last too long, for on January 27, exactly 13 days after the FO first lied about it, I read in the press that the American ambassador himself announced that of course he had not been “summoned” anywhere at all!! I can’t tell you how relieved I was at this reprieve from complete ignominy: I mean, there is nothing worse than a failed pundit, is there? Specially when he is ‘punditing’ about something that is so very predictable?

This is the exact wording of the report: “Contrary to earlier reports that US Ambassador Ryan C Crocker was summoned by the Foreign Office on January 14, a day after the US aerial strike in Bajaur Agency, it has now been established that he was not. This has been confirmed by the US ambassador himself and officials at the foreign ministry. It was not at the Foreign Office but at the PM House that Foreign Secretary Riaz Mohammad Khan raised the matter (kindly note the delicate choice of words — slightly different from a “stinging protest”, what?) with the US ambassador.

"The ambassador had accompanied former US presidential candidate Senator John Kerry when the latter called on Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz. So it was on the margins of this meeting that the foreign secretary met the ambassador and lodged what has been officially branded as a “protest”. Foreign ministry officials say that Ambassador Crocker was supposed to be summoned to the Foreign Office the same evening but this did not happen due to a scheduling problem.”

So that’s what they call it these days? A “scheduling problem”? “Scheduling problem” is how lack of spleen is explained away? Being lily-livered is having a “scheduling problem”? Having no backbone or self-respect or shame can be blamed on there being a “scheduling problem”? What effrontery; what brass; what complete shamelessness.

But, pray, wait. By far the bigger crime than serving the country ill is lying to its people about it, is it not? There are several questions that need to be answered urgently: Why did the FO keep up pretences for two whole weeks and more? Would it have continued to lie had the US ambassador himself not come forth? Why did Chief Spokesman Sheikh Rashid reinforce the lie 10 days after the FO first told it? More important than everything else, why does the government of the Islamic Republic take us lay Pakistanis for so many fools?

For we do know that Sovereignty, or whatever you call the bird that has been hunted to extinction in Pakistan, is only for countries which are not client states of other countries, and whose leaders have some little faith in themselves.

As a special treat, three Bushisms this week: “Our priorities is our faith”; “I admit it, I am not one of the great linguists”; “Let me put it to you this way, I am not a revengeful person” — President George W Bush — Greensboro, North Carolina, October 10, 2000; To Tom Brokaw, Inside the Real West Wing, January 23, 2001; TIME magazine, December 25, 2000.